All I want for Christmas is a silent house.
I very much appreciate the thought when you brought the kazoo. I’m sure the boys will develop impressive musical skills while walking around the house endlessly making monotonous and toneless noises.
Thank you also for the little elf who chose to put batteries in the new toy dust buster. The drone that’s been going on for the last 10 minutes must have been specially tunes to cause the pain that is currently developing behind my eyes.
Other welcome additions to this household have been the aircraft carrier complete with air horn, the Hungry Hippo game which, along with the gentle sounds of crashing plastic and falling marbles, is guaranteed to cause an argument, the ball game with music louder than the parties that used to held next door to my first apartment and, of course, how could we forget the talking Elmo that wants to play at 3 am.
How your gifts bring joy into the hearts of our household.
However, this year I ask for a moment of blissful silence. I beg you to please send an elf or twelve to steal all the batteries from the toys in this house (tell the elves to pack a lunch, it may take a while). I understand you bring the toys for the children… but just ask Mrs. Claus, with hundreds of elves running around the North Pole I’m sure she understands how a little peace for mommy might bring a lot of peace for everyone else.
Merry Christmas big guy… and, when choosing this year’s gifts, remember… I worked up north and I know where you live.
PS – If you can’t spare the army of elves needed to deal with all the batteries in this house can you at least send an extra large coffee maker and shares in the local fair trade coffee shop?