I have decided to forgo the topic of cancer for a day. It is a bit all consuming and, since it was a beautiful day, I have decided to just live my life for a day and avoid the analyzing. I did get out for a walk with Little Dude and avoided red meat in my dinner prep. I also bought a Parabem and SLS free deodorant so I have decided I have done my part for the day. Instead I plan to digress into parenting.
As mothers we tend to stake a claim that our rightful place is at the centre of our kids lives – at least when they are young. For the Big Dude, that is a largely true statement. He is, by all accounts, a Mama’s boy. If there is a task to be done, he would rather if be done by Mommy. If Daddy says no, he seeks out Mommy just to make sure that was the correct answer and, if I am in the house, no one but Mommy is allowed to read bedtime stories.
With Little Dude it seems to be a different story. Last night he was up repeatedly with a small fever and a nasty cough. He was shivering uncontrollably and clearly very uncomfortable. The Husband was asleep. You would think Mommy would be the ideal person for this job but no, Little Dude insisted he only wanted Daddy. He was insistent to the point that I had to wake up Daddy. I have been put in my place… by a two year old.
It’s a hard pill for a Mommy to swallow. We’re the ones who are always there. We are biologically hardwired to be where the buck stops when it comes to our children. My body sustained this little creature for two years (pregnancy and breastfeeding) and doing so, put me in hospital repeatedly. I’m the one who chose to stay home with these boys, being tossed aside for Daddy was a blow I wasn’t ready for.
I know he still needs me. Today I was still asked to kiss all hurts, real or imagined, before they were all better and he was off and running again. He still held my hand walking down the street and he still wanted me to lie down beside him at bedtime while we did our gratitudes, but it still feels like he’s slipping away already. I’m not ready to give up my position as the only one with all the solutions for the problems of his world.