Part of my problem with motherhood, or at least what makes it so overwhelming, are the endless decisions to be made.
I, literally, make dozens upon dozens of choices in a day that have little or nothing to do with my job or myself. Whether it’s the big decisions like where to send the kids to school or the endless daily decisions like who to call for a playdate or what to make for dinner, the reality is the mom is the decider-in-chief.
I lay no blame for this on The Husband… this is a responsibility foisted on my by motherhood, by society and, quite frankly, by my own expectations. The Husband takes part in the big decisions like french school or no french school and he pitches in when I ask but, overall, if there is a decision to be made, it is all on me… and it’s exhausting. When I sit down to plan the menus for the week or try to come up with a rainy day activity, I find I end up with what I’ve been calling mother’s block. It’s like I’ve made so many decisions in the week already that I’ve run out.
Some days I think I’d like a vacation from the decisions. I’ll make dinner… I just want someone else to tell me what to make. I’ll chauffeur the kids to the after-school activity but somebody else decide if it will be basketball or Tai Kwan Do or swimming.
I can’t help but watch my kids struggling against adult direction and wanting to make their own decisions and think that just may be the part about childhood I miss the most.