Blancing Act…

I have come to the conclusion that surviving motherhood is about balance. There is simply no way to satisfy all of the demands on our time, on our patience and on our emotional well-being all at once. I’ve also come to the conclusion that there is no perfect balance.

I think I’m okay with that. I gotten a lot better lately at letting things go. Last night I left the messy house to take a bath because I needed the break. My to-do list seems a mile long but I decided I was okay with the idea of letting it be and taking some time for myself. I feel a bit further behind today but I’m still trying to let it go.

I getting more comfortable too with the idea that I can’t have it all. I know, and have known for a long time, that this idea that women can have it all (career, family, kids etc.) is a myth, but it’s still pretty hard to stop myself from trying anyway. For me, church has been a good example of trying to do too much. The Husband is not a church goer. That’s fine, I knew that when I married him, but it means I take the kids on my own. That’s also fine, I knew that when I married him too. I have a wonderful church. The people are welcoming and the leadership teaches the lessons I want for myself and my family but this is not a church built for kids. The boys have had the run of the place since they were born but the Sunday School is not built for a busy three year old and he never wants to stay. The Baby has been okay running up and down the aisles but now he’s opening side doors and getting into things he shouldn’t. This is a church that meets my adult needs, not those of my children or those of my life as a mother. Taking the two of them to church is exhausting and I no longer get anything spiritual out of my attendance. For so long I have fought the idea that I would need to try somewhere with a more appropriate Sunday School (and maybe a nursery?!) or that I would have to sometimes leave the kids at home while I go to church.

This Sunday made me realize this was just another attempt to have it all. Like so many other things with motherhood, while I’m so busy just trying to make it work, I loose the whole point of the exercise. Yesterday, one of the parishioners came up to exclaim about how much patience I have… my first thought was that the only reason I wasn’t screaming like a banshee was that I was in church.

I’m not sure what the solution is but I know I can’t have it all. It’s time for a little compromise and a little balance. I don’t know what the solution is yet but, even coming to the knowledge that things have to chance, makes me a little calmer.

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3 Responses to Blancing Act…

  1. Divawrites says:

    My husband is not a church goer either. I am, as well as the cantor at our church. Taking my daughter solo is not feasible. I can’t sing and parent at the same time. My husband comes periodically, but for now, my daughter is a heathen. My friend, who teaches Kindergarten, maintains that anyone who takes children under the age of 5 to church has that service count twice. I’m hobbling on a broken foot, I’m away next week for 4 days at a conference and my best friend, who lives in Australia and is home for a visit, comes a couple of days after I come home to visit for a few days. My house is in its usually bomb went off state. I can’t vacuum with a broken foot, and to be honest,I don’t know where to start. I will tidy as much as I can, but if my friend is offended by a little clutter, then she’s not really my friend. Recovering from the broken foot will take precedence over dust bunnies.I have to admit I’m taking maniacal glee in the thought that my husband is going to be full time parent to my daughter for 4 days next week. He’s never done it for such a long stretch, and never overnight. He’ll have to get her to preschool, and swimming solo. It will be good for BOTH of them, because I have been feeling decidedly unappreciated and undervalued lately. They’ll see…*evil cackle*

  2. Atlantic Writer says:

    If taking children under five count’s twice I must be good for the next three years. I like that theory!Good luck at the conference. I’m jealous. Enjoy the time away… and enjoy the knowledge that you’ll get more appreciation when you get home.

  3. baby gender predictor says:

    You are absolutely rightt hat there needs to be some sort of balance – and certainly the path to finding some sort happy equilibrium is not easy. Many people tend to stress privately and 'push things under the carpet so to speak. Unless all problems are infront of you it is very hard to know how to find a balance.

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