Summing up a life…

I rashly promised to give my mother’s eulogy.

When my father died I felt compelled to speak.  I know most close family members choose not to do so, but I saw no other choice.  I assumed it would be the same way with my mother.

It is not.

This time there are no words.

I can’t explain the difference.  I don’t separate my feelings, one over the other, but I had words when my father died.  Now I do not.

When my father died a part of him seemed to keep going. As a child my parents identities were so tied up in each other that as long as one was with me, I had a piece of them both. Now I have neither.

I find myself overwhelmed with the prospect of summing up not just one life but many; the life I have led until now, of the life they built together and the legacy she built herself.
I am a firm believer in the power of words.  They can nurture and they can heal.  Right now they do neither. 

The woman who gave me words deserves so much… yet I have so little to give.

I want to call my mother and have her make my problem go away.

I don’t want to have to be the grown up yet but my mother’s words are no more… only mine remain.

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2 Responses to Summing up a life…

  1. Lynne says:

    I think that is the start of your Eulogy Megan….beautifully written and meaningful.

  2. Wanda says:

    You have a profound way of saying what you are feeling. Even though my words of sympathy will not help you to move on, I still must say, "I am truly sorry for your loss". When my dad died, at age 55, it was sudden and so I never lived through the pain that you and Ellen have expierenced with both your parents. Your written words have allowed me too share your experience with death and has given me a better understanding of the things we keep. Thank you for sharing yourself. Wanda MacInnes

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