This is one of those mornings where personal well being is at odds with motherhood.
I woke up feeling terrible. All I want to do is crawl back into bed.
The Husband is at work… and dealing with his own problems today. The Girl is at school and The Dudes are in fine form. The urge to call the Fabulous Caregiver (a newish character in our lives and the surprisingly wonderful alternative to my last child care provider who seemed irreplaceable) across the street is tugging at me. The meeting at the school, the lengthy to-do list that includes buying the paint for the bathroom, the bank account and the need to get the stir-crazy Dudes out of the house on this rainy day are at war with that urge.
I find myself paralyzed with indecision and the clock is ticking steadily towards that school meeting. I look up to see the laundry getting increasingly wetter on the line and the dishes from breakfast and wish the myth of the invincible mother was reality.
Mommy guilt is a terrible thing. As much as I preach the need to take care of ourselves first, the idea of calling the Fabulous Caregiver seems a cop-out today… even knowing that, feeling like this, dark mommy is likely to make an appearance today.
For now, all I can do is force myself into the shower and put off the decisions for another 20 minutes.
What do you do? Do you soldier on in a situation like this… or are you smart enough to take care of yourself first?