Measuring Up…

I don’t know what it is about motherhood that continually manages to make me feel inadequate.

We had a rough start to the day. The boy was defiant and whiny and I was not handling it well. As I am about to start another week of solo parenting I thought it best not to start on a sour note. I managed to book space at the local Military Family Resource Centre child care and shipped them off for a few hours. It seemed the best solution. The boys both have friends there today and they love the child care room (there are more truck and cars and roads there – always a selling point). I get a chance to regroup and get my head together before we head off to the swimming pool together for a break from the heat. Why then do I feel like I’m copping out?

Intellectually I know that I made the good parenting decision. They get to have fun and I get a chance to decompress (I even managed to ship The Girl off to the mall – though admittedly that’s not a particularly difficult thing to do). I know that mothers need some time to themselves in order to be meet all the demands they face, in fact, I’m the first one to advocate for some mommy vacation time – yet, even so, today I feel like I’m somehow failing.

I am continually surprised at how mentally difficult being a mother really is. I expected the physical and emotional demands but I wasn’t ready for this internal struggle about measuring up to some impossible mommy standard.

I think I need another cup of coffee.

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2 Responses to Measuring Up…

  1. Divawrites says:

    Oh honey. Hug. Last Thursday, I had the worst day I have ever had since becoming a parent. The Diva was vicious, mean and difficult as only a 4 year old can be from the time her toe hit the floor to the time her head (fists clenched in mid-tantrum) hit the pillow at night. I wanted to resign as a mother and run away…which left me feeling horribly guilty because, of course, we once feared we wouldn't be parents, so what kind of a mother does that make me? I medicated with pizza and ice cream…The next day was one of the best days we've ever had. Yin and Yang.I hadn't had enough "grown up" Lisa time. I'd had lots of wife and mother time, but no time for Lisa the person…I've fixed that this week, and I'm coping much better now. You did the right thing. Sometimes the only way to win is not to play.

  2. dawna says:

    it's true… we all need a break, but it's sometimes hard to admit that we can't do it all. in the end, i think that admitting to our weaknesses and finding ways to deal with them is the only way to make us stronger, better parents. putting the kids in daycare to make ourselves into better parents is nothing to feel guilty about.

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