I don’t know what it is about motherhood that continually manages to make me feel inadequate.
We had a rough start to the day. The boy was defiant and whiny and I was not handling it well. As I am about to start another week of solo parenting I thought it best not to start on a sour note. I managed to book space at the local Military Family Resource Centre child care and shipped them off for a few hours. It seemed the best solution. The boys both have friends there today and they love the child care room (there are more truck and cars and roads there – always a selling point). I get a chance to regroup and get my head together before we head off to the swimming pool together for a break from the heat. Why then do I feel like I’m copping out?
Intellectually I know that I made the good parenting decision. They get to have fun and I get a chance to decompress (I even managed to ship The Girl off to the mall – though admittedly that’s not a particularly difficult thing to do). I know that mothers need some time to themselves in order to be meet all the demands they face, in fact, I’m the first one to advocate for some mommy vacation time – yet, even so, today I feel like I’m somehow failing.
I am continually surprised at how mentally difficult being a mother really is. I expected the physical and emotional demands but I wasn’t ready for this internal struggle about measuring up to some impossible mommy standard.
I think I need another cup of coffee.