Well, it seems gratitude isn’t the easy solution I’d like it to be.
I had trouble being grateful today.
It seems silly. I have a warm home and loving family and good friends. I have lots to be grateful for… why then did I draw a blank when the kids and I were doing our gratitudes.
It’s been a rough couple of days. I can’t tell you why… nothing is better or worse than usual… I’m just having a down couple of days. I hate what that does to my parenting. I feel like an ogre when I resort to yelling. Last night I yelled at my two year old… granted it was the ninth time he’d gotten out of bed and The Husband was working and The Girl was in trouble for not doing the studying she had promised to do… but it still felt a tremendous stab of guilt at the tears that immediately formed (though, I do need to remember Little Dude has a serious talent for summoning up great misery in a nanosecond). I feel dark mommy resurfacing.
I find myself staring at my list of resolutions trying to figure out which one will bring me out of this parenting funk… no easy answers leap to mind. For now I guess I’ll just breathe… and try to find my way back to gratitude.