Category Archives: grief

When grief sneeks up on you….

They kept telling me there would come a day I wouldn’t want to get out of bed. I thought I’d escaped that prospect.  I thought in five months of grieving and focusing on life after terminal cancer, I had put some … Continue reading

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Anxiety and bravery… come to know the whole woman.

I’ve been reading my mother’s journals. It’s heavy going.  There’s a lot of baggage: like why did she write so much about my sister and not about me, like reading about her grief at my father’s loss and then facing … Continue reading

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Easter state of mind…

It’s raining outside.  It’s dark and it’s cold.  It just doesn’t feel like Easter.  The Bunny arrives in three days (Big Dude is on a countdown) and I’ve got nothing. Oh… the bunny will visit with all the requisite treats … Continue reading

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Grateful for the family I have left….

I read a really great line on the Internet somewhere today… “that’s the trouble with being capable in a crisis – you tend to get handed a lot of crises.” This has to have been written for my sister. I … Continue reading

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Love letters….

I’m mad at my mother. She’s not even in the ground yet (we’re waiting for the ground to thaw) and I’m angry. She knew she was dying.  She had multiple visits from palliative care, she made the financial arrangements and … Continue reading

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You can never go home…

I left my parents home for the last time this week.  Saying goodbye seemed impossible.  I found myself literally rooted to the spot in my mother’s favorite chair, unable to make myself leave. It is not the house where I … Continue reading

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The Prom Dress…

Physical activity and grief don’t mix. I have been good.  I’ve been to the gym.  I’ve been to Zumba.  I’ve walked so much I discovered I desperately need new running shoes.  Hell, I even took my kids on a neighbourhood … Continue reading

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Fighting, literally, through grief.

Wow.  I just had a big fight with my sister… the biggest one we’ve had since we were kids.  Apparently our grief involves yelling at each other. We had a rollicking fight that ranged from guilt to repressed anger to … Continue reading

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Working through it… or just distracting myself.

Wow… back on the job this week.  I feel like my brain has atrophied. It’s all I can do to get a bit of work done, get the kids in bed and fall into bed myself.  Yet I still can’t … Continue reading

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It’s okay to cry… but who has the time?

I’ve had some very well meaning advice as I work my way through this period of grief. One of the most common has been that ‘it’s okay to cry.’ True.  It is… but not, apparently, when you are a parent. … Continue reading

Posted in death, grief, motherhood | 1 Comment