Wow… back on the job this week. I feel like my brain has atrophied.
It’s all I can do to get a bit of work done, get the kids in bed and fall into bed myself. Yet I still can’t sleep.
I stare at the TV. I play mindless games on my iPod. I distract myself but do nothing productive. I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. My book, which I would normally be finished reading in a few days, seems to drag on forever. It seems like too much work. I am fascinated by this need for completely brainless activity.
I watched a TV show today about a man who started dressing as a clown after his wife died to distract himself from the grief. I’m not sure I’m ready to strap on a foam nose but I do feel the need to take myself away from…well, myself.
All the grief literature says mindless activity is normal, even healthy, if done in moderation. As many people have said, time is necessary to get through this grief. Yet, time does not heal all wounds. The literature also says people have to work through their grief. But, how do you do that?
I’d rather just watch a flickering screen.