I had a nice compliment tonight. A friend made a point of stopping me to tell me she had recently discovered my blog and was touched by some of the posts.
It was nice to hear.
I have to say I’m fairly new to this whole idea of putting my emotions out there for anyone to read. I have traditionally been fairly closed off (my sister is currently rolling her eyes and calling that an understatement). I’m getting better but I’m not always comfortable talking about how I feel… writing has always seemed easier.
I guess it is nice to know these thoughts, which sometimes feel pretty self-serving, have an impact on someone else’s life. I have had a few people tell me my personal lessons about preventing cancer have lead them to make some changes in their lives. That is certainly heartening. In a society obsessed with making unhealthy choices, it is nice to know some people are open to change.
Now that I have finished my Lenten journey, I find myself at a bit of a loss when it comes to this blog. I don’t want to make this blog all cancer all the time, but at the same time it is difficult to step back from something that seems so overwhelming and talk about the flotsam of daily life as a work-at-home mom. Some of those daily complaints seem to matter less.
Perhaps I have just let myself get bogged down into this whole cancer thing again. I felt quite freed after Easter, as if a weight was lifted, but the death of my Godmother seems to have landed those pounds squarely on my shoulders again. I’m not sleeping and I am tired all the time. Dark mommy seems to be coming back to haunt me.
Perhaps it’s time to follow the old adage and fake it until I make it. I’ll immerse myself in cooking and laundry and kids and, I hope, work until it seems normal again. Life is crazy and we can’t plan for the days when the oven stops working (which it did today) or the series of problems that seems to be developing in the MammaMobile (I drove three women to Halifax for a some legal training this week with a back door that was held shut with a bungee cord, squeaking brakes and a squealing air conditioner) or the chicken pox (which my vaccinated niece developed just hours after spending the day with my kids).
Life goes on right? … it’s time to just pick up and catch up with the pack.