Fighting, literally, through grief.

Wow.  I just had a big fight with my sister… the biggest one we’ve had since we were kids.  Apparently our grief involves yelling at each other.

We had a rollicking fight that ranged from guilt to repressed anger to unfounded assumptions.  We then ended the argument by laughing and crying at the same time realizing the whole fight had been fueled by repressed grief and both felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

I didn’t know I needed to irrationally yell at those I love to work through my grief.

That’s what is surprising me most as I work through this.  The ways that grief just comes out of nowhere and smacks me in the face.  I work through my day on a relatively even keel and all of a sudden a wave of sadness takes over.  Sometimes there is good cause, like the day I was sorting some odd papers and found my mother’s bucket list (of which, I was sad to note, not one item had been completed) or sometimes it comes along with no specific motivator.

The result is the same.  I can feel my shoulders sag and my spirits sink.  I feel sad and lonely. 

I also feel self-indulgent.  Tomorrow my mother will have been dead for one month.  It feels like I need to stop living in myself and get on with life.  Everyone looses a mother at some point, it is how the world is supposed to work.  Then why can’t I seem to get out of this self-indulgent grief?

I don’t know… maybe I just need to yell at someone again.  Any takers?

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3 Responses to Fighting, literally, through grief.

  1. Barbara says:

    I don't think that grief is self indulgent; it is a natural process. I understand your statement, though, because I sometimes feel the same way: that I should be stronger. But, in speaking with other peopkle who have grieved, I see that the wave that sweeps us unexpectedly, is normal. My husband passed away 6 months ago and the same thing happens. I am always hit with sobs and crying, out of nowhere. It hurts. But, they tell me it will lessen, then go away. Time is the great healer.

  2. Lisa MacColl says:

    The funeral home had a memorial service for all the people who had died from Sept-Dec 2010. My mother-in-law was one of the people and our family attended the service, which was lovely. We had lots of loss this year-a family friend, our cat, my cousin who was like my brother, and my mother-in-law. Maybe I shouldn't count the cat in there, but I miss him and I mourned him. It was in some ways the final straw-all these people, and now my cat too? I sat in the service and let it come. I let the tears pour down my face as picture after picture after picture flashed on the screen. I mourned all that we had lost this year. I cried in silence, with a couple of stifled sobs periodically. My mother was seated next to me, and public displays of emotion are frowned upon. Somehow, church is a safe place to cry.My father died in 1989, and it still catches me off-guard sometimes. Remembrance Day makes me sad because we all watched it together. When I married, when my daughter arrived, the grief was there, but after so many years it's a manageable sadness.We never get over it. We simply learn to acknowledge it and live with it.Hugs

  3. Karena says:

    We have to openly express our grief otherwise we may never fully let it out. Sorry for your loss :(By the way, A world-class and captivating event is happening this March 9 to 13 at Rogers Arena in Vancouver – Cirque Du Soleil’s Quidam!. You can win 2 tickets courtesy of Coquitlam Centre easily by uploading your best Quidam photo. The photo with the most likes wins the 2 tickets! This is an opportunity you wouldn't want to miss.

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